Last weekend, as we are watching Wowowee, I really got shaken. The contestants are wife/husband of OFW. But what really strikes me was the contestant crying and asking for “sorry” to his husband working as an Overseas Foreign Worker (OFW) in Saudi. The reason: her 14 years old daughter got pregnant. I became numb for a moment and cried with her along. When I saw the young girl, you will also be really saddened; she is pregnant lady trap into a young body. A question popped into my mind, what will happen to her? She is still a baby herself. A child having a child.
Then I turned to my daughter, she was also near crying. I looked at her and I knew that she knew all along what I mean. She told me “Opo, mama, hindi po ako tutulad sa kanya”. I just have to hang on into her words.
I could just imagine the pain of the OFW father. He is working to death in the foreign land for his family, only to find out that her 14 year old daughter got pregnant. Naturally, the OFW father will put the blame to the mom. But of course, no one wants this to happen. During the interview, the mom told Willie, that her daughter would go home at midnight and would not listen to her. For the OFW hubby, it is the natural reaction for him to put all the blame to his wife. He is helpless and a distance away to their family.
I bought out this issue, since this is a good learning experience for fellow OFW family like us. It is the obligation of the parents left in the Philippines to look after their children. Imply discipline if needed. It is not easy switching roles as both the mother and a father, but it is an obligation. If it has been a mutual decision for both of the couple that the other one will work abroad then it comes that there is this impending responsibility for the parent being left here in the Philippines to take over both the roles. I may not be an ideal wife of an OFW nor our family is an ideal OFW, but nevertheless the techniques that we are using right now are working and it might also work for others. My daughter Ishi has also a boyfriend for a year now and so far everything is still under my control.
I would like it to share for the benefit of my fellow Pamilyang OFW. It works for us for almost 5 years it might work for your family too.
1. Before your partner leaves the country, talk to your kids. Explain the reason why one has to go and work abroad. If the child is still too young to understand, it is the role of the parents left in the country to remind the kids and talk to them to remind them why.
2. Always check on your kids. Imply discipline if needed. Remember that it is the obligation and responsibility of the parent left to ensure that everything is in order. It is really painful to our partner working abroad to know that something bad happened to their kids. Their kids are the very reason why they are sacrificing abroad.
3. Communication – use the wonder of technology. The children and the OFW parent should always have communication, at least once a week. This is a MUST. The children should constantly be in touch with their OFW parents. This way they can feel for their dad or mom. Sometimes, it is more effective if they will commit to their OFW parents.
4. Do not shower them with too much material things. At times, some of the OFW kids are showered on material things and money just to compensate with the guilt of the parents that they cannot be together in their growing up years. This should not be the case and the OFW family should not be guilty as well. Giving them too much money and material things will only tempt them and give them opportunities to do things which they should not be into in the first place.
5. Always remind them of the hardship of their OFW parents, but do not be too pushy and “masumbat”. Mastering the art of communication to our kids is a MUST.
To the OFW kids, always remember that your OFW parent left this country to give you the best future that they can give you. It is not too much to ask for you to do your part. Study hard and be a good kid. That is the only plea of every parent.
Also, I ask you to read the post of my OFW husband below to give you a better view on what they are experiencing abroad.
From Saudi With Love (Unang Yugto)
Visit related Pamilyang OFW posts :
- In Their Sleep ♥ ♥ ♥
- Considering to be an OFW, Consider This (Part 1)
- Can’t Get Used in Saying Goodbyes
- PLDT Budget Card Middle East Edition
-“Buhay Pinoy Abroad, Buhay OFW”
- Pamilyang OFW – Salamat sa Communication at Technology
- Vacation ni Honey Ko…(Treasured Bonding Moments)
- Pamilyang OFW : On Saying Goodbyes
- Vacation ni Honey Ko…April 27, 2007
- Pamilyang OFW Part 1: Is it possible to have life after migration?
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i don’t know if i should feel sorry for the parents or the daughter. i had a tough time learning how to care for a child even at 26, how much more for a 14-year old? there’s nothing they can do now but support her more in this trying time of her life.
Yes, I saw that episode, too. And like you, I was teary-eyed when, especially when the daugheter asked for forgiveness from her parents.
Good thing is that the girl has a positive attitude in life, she always emphasized that there is still hope after she gives birth and that it is not yet too late. I am just glad that her parents did not abandon her.
ilang taon na anak mo sis?
tunay namang nakakalungkot ang kwentong iyan. i can imagine the feelings of the father and the preggy girl.
Isa rin yan sa mga bagay na ikinatatakot ko someday, syempre initial reaction ng tatay ang sisihin yung naiwan sa pinas. Kahit gaano pa yata kahigpit o kabait ang magulang may nga anak talagang pasaway.
Nakakawa nga talaga ang mga anak ng OFW na napapabayaan lang sa Pilipinas. On the other hand nagpapakasakit naman sa labas ng bansa ang kanilang mga magulang upang itaguyod ang kanilang pagaaral at mabigyan ng magandang kinabukasan. Payo ko sa mga anak ng OFW na kagaya ko noong araw, magpakatino kayo hindi habang buhay na may mga magulang kayong kumakayod para sa inyo.
nag ofw din ang father ko.. and i’m glad hindi naman kami napariwara in his absence.. minsan kailangan talaga deeply rooted ang mga bata ng mga values at tamang disiplina.. at pinakaimportante yung communication.
i just hope na maging lesson na dun sa bata at sa pamilya yung ganung pangyayari.. meron kase akong mga kakilala na napasok sa ganyang situation e since nandyan na daw.. nasundan pa ng nasundan.
It is a a very sad thing nga. I was also a a child of an OFW but I guess I was a bit different. I become the parent in the house and took over the role of my mom in the house.It did learn me alot.
By the way I have something for you here: http://www.mommawannabe.com/2008/09/my-first-blog-awards.html
Drop by when you have time;)
@evi,
kaya nga sis e, ang hirap ng lagay ng young soon to be mom, imagine she is still a child, yet she will have a child of her own…she is merely a lady, 14 yrs old.
@praning5254,
a lesson learned the hard way.
@melai;
naku sis, turning 16 this october, kaya kanerbyos nerbyos e
@edz,
korek ka dyan sis, nakakapanlumo
@ann,
kasi yung mga OFW helpless sa ibang bansa eh, kaya they are pinning all hopes sa naiiwan sa pinas
@Colegialagirl
kaya nga in my own little way, as a pamilyang OFW im doing my share to dissiminate information related to our lives as a Pmailyang OFW
i also saw it on Wowowee…
it’s so sad but it often happens
I think sex education should be given first by mothers… maybe even before girls become teenagers
so they know the risks and they’ll be more careful
ngayon ko lang nabasa itong post mo. thanks for sharing!
medyo mahirap magdisiplina ng mga kabataan ngayon. ang tindi ng epekto ng environment at technology. kagaya sa panganay ko, mag 6 years old pa lang sya ngayon. ang palagi worry ko ay yung mangyayari sa kanya pag lumalabas sya sa bahay. malapit kasi kami sa kalsada at sis nakupo factory yata ng bata sa lugar namin. so kahit anong sabi ko sa anak ko na wag lumabas, gumagawa pa rin ng paraan para makatakas. siguro naiinggit pag naririnig ang ingay ng mga bata sa labas.
isa sa paraan na naisip ko para maiiwas sya sa paglabas lalo na ngayon summer eh yung i-enroll sya sa summer class. voice lesson sya sa April-May. since bakasyon ni husband ngayon April, naisip ko rin bonding time nila mag-ama yung samahan sya sa voice lessons nya.
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it was really frustrating and heartbreaking for the ofw parent to experience such. my sister got pregnant and eloped when she was only one semester away to graduation in her college degree, i can feel how much our father got hurt, he really cried hard when he got back from saudi arabia that time.
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We were fortunate that our family was expatriated, so we were together all those years we lived away from our home country. We knew the struggles of OFWs, because our ministry to the OFWs in Hong Kong and Singapore opened us up to counsel these individuals. It’s very hard to leave family behind the way many of our OFWs do. We knew of a number whose daughters also befell the same misfortune. You gave some very helpful tips for families who are in this situation, which is admirable. Thanks for an awesome post.
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i can only imagine what the parents who are left behind to cope with the family problems + duties on their own as their spouses work abroad go through, it is really quite a tough job to be both a mother + a father to your children, that is why I doff my hats to parents of OFW families. It was a tough decision to make, working abroad, but someone’s got to do it for the benefit of the whole family.
agree on what you said about material things, i think it is best to shower your children with love + affection + time {even if you are miles away, through phone calls, letters + emails} + thoroughly explain to them why a parent has to work far away, they will surely understand + they will surely appreciate your attention much more than the expensive toys + gifts!
cheers to OFW families!
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Hirap talaga ng may isang malayo pero that is the sacrifice we do for our kids no?
I am glad that we do not have to go under such situation. Ngayon pa nga lang magkasama kami, hirap na magpalaki ng kids, what more kung malayo ang isa.